How Children Spell Love: The Six T’s of Parenting

I have been thinking a lot about how children express love, and it always brings me back to this truth: the littles spell love in a non-traditional way, their spelling is not L-O-V-E,  it is T-I-M-E.

It honestly hurts my heart when I hear parents talk about being overwhelmed by how busy life feels or how hard it is to find time with their kids. I understand those feelings deeply, but I also know how our words can sound to little ears. When children hear that we are dreading long weekends, breaks, or even the quiet moments at home, it can feel to them as though we are dreading time with them. What a tender reminder that our presence, not perfection, is what they treasure most.

I want to encourage you, no matter how old your children are, to focus on what we can refer to as the Six T’s. Practice them this season and beyond. They might just change your relationship with your kids for the better.

The Six T's of Parenting

Time

There is no substitute for you. Put away the distractions like phones, emails, and television, and be fully present. For the little ones, get down on the floor and play at their level. Let them lead. For older children, engage in what they enjoy, even if it is not something you would choose for yourself. Ask them what they want to do and simply be with them. Family meals and bedtime are sacred spaces. Keep a routine, and your relationship will thank you for it.

Touch

Healthy, nurturing touch is powerful. Hold their hands, brush their hair, share hugs, kisses, or high fives. A gentle pat on the back or a cuddle on the couch communicates safety and belonging.

Talk

Our words and expressions send messages about whether we are truly present. Communication is often more nonverbal than verbal, and eye contact says, “You matter.” Slow down, soften your tone, and let your children know you are listening, not just hearing.

Tenderness

Every parent knows when they are close to their child’s heart. Learn how each of your children gives and receives love and speak their language often. This looks different for every child. You might have three kids who each feel loved in completely different ways. Discovering their unique love language helps you connect in deeper, more meaningful ways.

Teaching

We are always teaching, even when we do not realize it. Our kids absorb lessons not just from what we say, but from what we do. They are always watching, and most life lessons are caught more than they are taught.

Tenacity

Even when your children are not at their most lovable, when they disappoint or defy you, stay the course. Keep showing up. Keep repeating the T’s. Never give up on being their safe place. Your love, your presence, and your steady influence mean everything.

No matter the season, let love look like time, patience, and consistency. It does not need to be perfect; it only needs to be present.

The Bible reminds us, “Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:14, NIV). That simple verse speaks to every part of parenting. When we lead with love, everything else begins to fall into place.

So take a breath, slow down, and soak up these moments. You will never regret the time you spent showing love the way your children understand it best.

With grace and hope, 

~Jami

Rooted in Christ; helping hearts heal and minds find peace.

References

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023, May 11). Positive parenting tips. CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/childrensmentalhealth/positive-parenting-tips.html

Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.

Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (1997). The Heart of Parenting: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.

National Scientific Council on the Developing Child. (2004). Young children develop in an environment of relationships. Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/wp1/

Parenting for Brain. (2024, January). The importance of quality time with your child. https://www.parentingforbrain.com/quality-time-with-your-child/

Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2011). The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. New York, NY: Random House.

University of Illinois Extension. (2022). The importance of spending quality time with your children. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. https://extension.illinois.edu/blogs/whole-child/2022-08-09-importance-spending-quality-time-your-children