Remembering Pregnancy and Infant Loss: A Letter of Love and Hope

Inspire Therapeutic Solutions
Oct 3
4 min read

Updated: Oct 29

At this time in my life, I feel as though I could write a book about love, loss, and perseverance. I would likely begin with the things no one warns you about until you are already walking through them. I would begin with miscarriages.

A miscarriage is lonely, painful, and deeply personal. When it happens, it is easy to mistake it for a failure of your body or spirit, but please hear me clearly, it is not. My son would have turned seven this year if I had been able to carry him to term. I prayed for another child for twelve years, but it was not part of God’s plan for me. I am learning to accept that more with each passing day, and I remain forever grateful for the precious child He entrusted to me.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. It is a time to remember every mother who has faced heartbreak. The mother who experienced a miscarriage, the one who carried her baby to stillbirth, the mother whose infant passed away, the mother who cannot conceive, the mother who lost a multiple, the mother who lost her embryo, and the countless others who carry invisible grief. Each story matters.

Although 15 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage, and one in 160 end in stillbirth, there is still so much silence surrounding these losses. Because early pregnancies are often kept private, many losses go unseen and unacknowledged. That silence can feel isolating. Without others standing up to say, “I see you,” or “I have been there too,” many women begin to internalize feelings of shame or self-blame. It can feel as though something went wrong within us, rather than recognizing that we are part of a shared and painful experience that touches so many.

While miscarriage is tragically common, each person’s journey through it is uniquely their own. For some who have been trying to start a family, it is the loss of dreams and future plans. For others, like me, it is the grief of unanswered prayers for another child. Some mothers experience repeated losses. Others decide not to try again, while some go on to have healthy pregnancies. No two paths look the same, and each one deserves compassion, understanding, and grace.

It is not uncommon for women to remain silent about their loss. There are many reasons for this silence, and I understand them. Still, I hope to change the conversation. We must lift one another up, pray for one another, and offer steady support in times of grief. There is no right or wrong way to feel. Grieving is personal, sacred, and deeply individual.

You may not know what you need right away, and that is okay. You may realize you do not want sympathy cards or words of comfort. You may just want one trusted friend to sit beside you in the quiet and cry. Or you may want distraction and lightness, a reason to smile again. Communication is so important. People often want to help but do not know how. By letting them know what you need, you give them the gift of truly supporting you.

The loss of a baby is one of the deepest pains a parent can experience. Whether your baby died during pregnancy or shortly after birth, your heart has endured an unimaginable ache. You may never fully understand why it happened, and you may need time and support to begin to heal. Some pregnancy losses occur because of miscarriage, stillbirth, preterm birth, or birth defects. Sometimes the cause is simply unknown. Whatever the reason, the grief is real, and your story matters.

If you are walking through this kind of loss, there are ways to honor your baby’s life and find moments of comfort:

Share Your Story

Join a supportive space where you can connect with others who understand. Visit share.marchofdimes.org.

Wall of Remembrance

Leave a message or tribute for your baby and read others’ memorials. Visit marchofdimes.org/remembrance.

Unspoken Stories

Read the stories of families who have walked this path, or share your own. Visit marchofdimes.org/unspoken-stories.aspx.

Honor a Loved One

Create a tribute in memory of your baby or a loved one. Visit marchofdimes.org/diy.

Be Part of a Community

Join the March of Dimes Facebook Group to connect with families across the nation for comfort and support. Visit facebook.com/groups/marchofdimes.

Join March for Babies: A Mother of a Movement™

Walk in honor of those lost, celebrate survivors, and support healthier futures. Visit marchforbabies.org.

When I shared my story during a time of deep grief, many reached out to say, “I have been there.” Those words reminded me that I was not alone. Some of you reading this may still be in the rawness of loss, and this letter may feel painful to read. Please know that in time, the heaviness will begin to lift. Others may be newly pregnant and fearful, and for you I say, stay present, breathe deeply, and savor each moment.

To every mother who has lost a child, whether in the earliest days or after holding them in your arms, please remember this: just because we did not get to keep them with us does not mean they were not real or deeply loved. God knew them before we did.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.” Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)

They were His before they were ours, and He called them home.

If you are struggling with pregnancy or infant loss and would like someone to talk to, please reach out to one of these compassionate organizations:

With grace and hope,

~Jami

Rooted in Christ; helping hearts heal and minds find peace.

References

March of Dimes. (n.d.). Healthy Moms. Strong Babies. Retrieved October 15, 2022, from https://www.marchofdimes.org/

VCU Health. (n.d.). Pregnancy loss resources: Pregnancy and birth. Retrieved October 15, 2022, from https://www.vcuhealth.org/services/womens-health/our-services/pregnancy-and-birth/resources/pregnancy-loss-resources